this makes me cry, of course and miss him wicked--still some days I expect that if I picked up the phone and dialed his number he would answer--feeling that he could be right around the next corner at the grocery store--especially on a Spring day like today--he should be sitting out in front of his apartment arms akimbo, eyes closed, face lifted to the sun, listening to the birds--strange that he's not around in his former easily recognizable solid physical form--strange that i have to work hard to recognize him in the dirt and earth worms, sun's rays, lilac leaves--but really he's all over the place, especially in my boy's eyes--everywhere and nowhere--he would like that paradox.